hmmm...

Why is this new to me!?! I'm learning so many new things about what it means to be a Christian. Friends, I have been a "Christian" for nearly 17 years, why is this simple idea of obedience been completely non-existant in my life till now?? Why have I been in a place where my sin is...acceptable to me? I have...FAILED! And it scares me, to the core. The more I discover about God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, the more I realize how far my nature is from them. Have I just failed to pay attention to this Sunday School class (which I desperately hope is this case), or has no one brought this to me??? And here's the kicker...wait for it, its key. The commandments he gives me, are not "DO NOT!" He yearns for us to do this, Love God, Love others. There is nothing there about drinking, or cursing, or fighting, or what have you. Love GOD!!!! And in doing so, the proof that reveals your love for him, the evidence of my passion for he who loves me, is simple obedience. I titled my blog pure, but I am the furthest from it I can imagine. As I sit here, I'm getting physically naseous from the realization of the sins I do, and love. Pray for that, but know this, GOD HIMSELF put this sickness in my stomache so I may learn to hate my sin. and its taking time, but I'm begining to examine myself. one thing at a time I will strive for purity. and Christ help me...literally.

I'm a dirtbag. Yea, that's coming from the heart. I haven't gone to actual work for the past month or so, and while it has been glorious, I've had a guilty conscience for a while. So tomorrow when I go to face jusdgement from my first sergeant, we'll see how wrong I've been. This is all at the worst timing too, My sis coming in for the weekend, thanksgiving in a couple weeks, and finally deployment shortly after. The main thing I fear is that they're gonna take aways priveleges to see my family, and that would suck, cuz he'd be punishing them for my mistakes too. All of this is pivotal on how my first sgt is going to react tomorrow morning at nine. And me, yea, I'm a nervous freakin wreck. I know I prolly won't be able to sleep much tonight, but the thing that keeps running through my head is phil 4:6-7, so I am just going to continue presenting, cuz I guess that's all I can do....

My first blog...here at least

Hi. Ray. If you're reading this, you more than likely know who I am. Right now, I'm making this for two...no, three, reasons. Number one, get some things off my chest. Number two, for when i deploy to be able to update people on what is going on in my life overseas and for them to send some encouragement. Number three, cuz I'm 24 and stilled filled with teenage angst and need to spill it out and find the emo-blog community a good place to do it! ...ok that last one maybe not so much.

So where am I now? I find myself at a point in my life where Everything up till this point has seemed...fruitless. I have almost never, if ever, truly sacrificed daily for my God, and my fruit reflects it, or my lack thereof at least. Earlier today, I spent some time with my brother in Christ Caleb (wow, great guy.), and felt like I made some amazing revelations and am finally getting somewhere (Habbakuk 3:17-the end of the chapter), then had dinner with JR and Ashley Ovens (thank you God for your blessings) and realized that I'm still almost nowhere. Joe Peer came and talked and once again, I got served up another big ole slice of humble pie (and Ashley's cooking, oh yea!). Phil 4:6-7 tells me not to be anxious about anything, but after tonight, that's all I have! Anxiety! I find myself finally making decisions for God before me, but now I'm thinking about how I fit in, and its all just soooo...unsettling. Pray for me in this, I need guidance.